I was amazed hearing from a boy especially a fraternity boy that he goes out of his way to see his girlfriend at least once a day. I was surprised to hear this girl say that she did not want to see her boyfriend every day.

The thing that really upset me was the fact that she has the ability to see her boyfriend every day and she won’t take the opportunity to do it. I will admit I have been incredibly lucky since my boyfriend has been in school for ROTC since we met and is still here for another 6 months. The thing is though that once he graduates he’s the army’s property and I will be the number 2 on the list of importance, which I am completely fine with. I know my boyfriend will put as much effort as he can into making sure I am happy and can deal with whatever he is going through.

I am one of those people who can’t stand people bitching and moaning about not being able to see their loved for a few days when my boyfriend will more than likely be deployed for at least 9 months and that’s if he gets lucky. I will end up dealing with him being gone for 6 months at a time with a 2 week break. It makes me sick that a girl can string a guy along for a few months claiming that she really likes him and then doesn’t want to see him. I would kill for the ability to constantly be connected to my boyfriend until the day we die.

Someone upstairs, whether it be God, destiny whatever you believe makes you who you are, made me this person I am today and I can say with the biggest smile on my face that I made the right choice. I met someone who makes me his number 1, in everything that he does, even with a military career. He would go reservist to spend more time with me. He would even wait an extra year to go through his officer candidate program to spend my final year at our college together. I can’t remember the last time my swelled as much as it does when I see him text me in the morning telling me how beautiful I am and how he hopes that I slept well even though he can’t be here with me. For once in my life, I’m not waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m not waiting for something ill to happen because I’m so happy. It’s kinda scary. Either way, I thought an interesting update would be nice. I realize how hard it is for me now to write because I feel like everything is going so well there aren’t any issues for me writing about. I hope everyone is having a wonderful week and is going to have an amazing 4th of July. We all deserve it!

He’s mentioned it to me that he will propose around the time he leaves drexel, which will be in about a year and a half, yeah kinda crazy to think that in the next year or so ill be getting engaged to a person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Yea, it’s only been 2 months but the crazy thing about it is, as my birth mother likes to say, you know their the one when you meet them or when you lose them. Oddly at this point, we knew each other and didn’t get along… in the end though, we both knew after we spent time together it just worked. All I can say is I absolutely adore him in every shape and form.

When people say that you really need to stop looking its totally true. I stopped looking on websites and asking friends to set me up and I found someone who fits me so much better then I ever expected. The funny thing about this guy is that I have known him for a while and my first impression of him was he was a complete and total @$$! Yeah, I know judgement should never be made on people but this kid just rubbed me the wrong way. It didn’t help that I was dating a marine and he was army and was a real hoorah kind of guy.

Well last year right before his birthday (which is also my 18 month anniversary with my ex) he and I hung out at his fraternity house and we mixed as much as oil and water do. He was talking about his girlfriend and I was talking about my boyfriend. Yeah we were just that cool. Well we didn’t work well and ended up fighting over which branch was better. Yeap were those people. Well either way that was the last real time we hung out considering he went home for the summer and I wasn’t really too involved with other fraternities up until my ex and I broke up.

So lets skip down about 8 months. My ex and I broke up after I found out he cheated a second time. The second time was on new years. Yeah that was a great start to my new year. That was when I decided that I was done with my ex and I wanted my stuff back and I wanted to move on with my life. Well it took one more night with my ex to realize that it was really over and that he and I were completely finished. As you can imagine my life felt like a tilt-a-whirl. I would feel okay at one point and then I would feel like my life was over the next. Well my incredibly supportive sisters felt that during the end of winter term I needed to get out of my rut.

One of my sisters who I will name C, came to one night right before finals and stated that I was coming with her to play lazer tag with a fraternity next door. I fought a bit and ended up going. At this event, I knew 2 people, M and D, 2 guys who were trying to get bids to the fraternity and the few girls I came with. Well after walking in the room, the solider, came up to me hugged me and exclaimed that he didn’t know I was coming to the event. He ended up grabbing me and putting me on his team because he knew I was military. He and I had a ball and for the first time in a while I smiled. I had an amazing time and didn’t even need to worry that I didn’t fall into the normal group. The night ended when we both learned we were from New York and lived 15 miles away from each other.

We ended up hanging out a few more times. The majority of our time together was him asking me about how he should feel about his current ex-gf. He asked me questions about how I felt about being a military girlfriend and how I dealt with my ex who was majorly screwed up and such. He ended up explaining to me that the relationship was over in fact over and he was just waiting it out until their alternative spring break trip. I know I know I sound like the other girl but at this point all he and I were, was just friends and I made sure of that.

It wasn’t until, a mutual friends of ours was graduating from Marine Officer Candidate School that we really clicked. That day we ended up getting really close because he understood how difficult it was for me to be around the uniforms and the lifestyle again after all that had happened. I did cry during the ceremony. It was funny because he ended up being a total gentleman. The father of the boy we brought home ended up telling James that I was such an awesome girl and that I was a total doll. James turned around and stated that I wasn’t his girlfriend, and the father responded you might want to make her yours before someone else gets her.

The thing was I didn’t think of him as more of a friend until the Wednesday that he was in Florida and he and his now ex-gf were on the outs and I mentioned to him that if I was to ever become involved with another military personal that this guy would have to understand that I would NOT allow a man to decide whether or not I would be allowed to join. I would want him to respect the fact that I want to serve and no matter what the branch he would be respectful and support me. He responded that he couldn’t imagine asking someone to give up something that meant that much to them. He also stated that he would show up to my marine graduation wearing the EGA (Eagle, Globe and Anchor –> the marine corp emblem).

Now at this point I gave up on trying anything until he was completely done with his ex. I am no cheater and I never will be a cheater. Eventually about 4 days later his ex and him broke up and a week later we started to actually see each other. I spent a few days here and there with him but didn’t start actually “doing” anything until much later. I didn’t feel he was ready to really jump into anything with me. Currently in about an hour is our month anniversary, haha yes I am that dorky. He and I actually mesh a lot better then I expected and at the end of the night I will say he is an amazing guy.

But here is the first entry to the 2nd chapter of my military life, we shall see where it goes I am so happy to be back in the silent ranks, even though I will be joining the officer ranks myself.

The new path of this blog, is my journey from being a marine girlfriend to becoming a marine myself. I realized after the marine and I really started fighting that I was as bad as he was. I’m as stubborn and have as many problems as he does. I tend to like orders and I also like to have things scheduled to a point so I know when I have time to myself and when I can do things that I need to. So low and behold, I have decided to leave the silent ranks and join the ranks of the prestigious United States Marine Corps. This is my beginning journey. I will of course still be talking about important issues that arise in the military world, but this will be less about being a girlfriend and more about how hard it is to become one. I am currently planning on leaving in May for the 10 week program, that will decide whether or not I will become a Marine. Hopefully this will give some girls the inside on what its like to be inside the guys head.

He and I were different. I wanted things to be the same. Almost a year had passed. He and I were a year older and I a year wiser… him a year dumber haha. But all in all he had changed in ways I wasn’t allowed to see. I can’t explain it. But the people who told me all the stories made it so impossible to even try to keep a straight face half the time. I realize that I am no dependent, I have no legal rights to know what he did and what happened. But I was not supposed to be shut off and have NO idea what was going on.

My marine, had ptsd when he got home. Yes girls, he had Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I noticed the drinking. That was the first thing. He tended to need to be completely intoxicated to be around people. Then he would black out and believe he was in Iraq again. Yea, really screwed up shit. The worst part was the people who supposedly cared for him didn’t do a damn thing for him. They would pass his drunk @$$ on to someone else who could deal with him… The thing was half of the time the other person was just as drunk so they really couldn’t help him.

It took him 5 months before he was back to himself and even now hes someone whose still a stranger to me. My marine and I broke up and noticed the time we spent apart wasn’t beneficial to either of us. The worst part about our break up is, I honestly don’t know why or how it happened. It really didn’t need to. Well for him it did. It is so much harder to deal with a military personal when they get home. The FRG tries to help and tries to show spouses and family members how to deal with their deployed military people but how much of it goes in one ear and out the other? I thought when the FRG representative said no intimate contact for a few weeks… I thought she was kidding.. “I was like HOW the HELL am i going to go another few weeks when hes right next to me.. its been 6 months!!! ” Well its true. It takes them so much longer to adjust and even now after being home for a since February, he has a hard time readjusting. He tends to stick with his close knit group of friends who honestly are no good for him but no matter what he sticks with. He also has a lot of problems communicating anything thats on his mind; but thats most men for ya.

The reason I felt I wanted to write today, after so long, is the fact that I am sitting in this marines apartment and I realize how lucky I have been in the last year. I realized so much about myself through the process of going through a deployment that I can’t even believe who I was last year before all this stuff happened. Things change of the course of the year… like me and my marines relationship. He and I are still together after everything. Just not in the way people expected. He and I were always open about our relationship but all he and I have done in the last month is hidden our relationship and honestly it works that way the best for us.

I knew originally when I started this endeavor that parties + alcohol + couples may not be the best place to go. I mean all its going to do is bring back memories of parties that I went to with him and times I spent with him. Why would I want to be there? Well this year I started getting into more fraternity parties, which aren’t always that much fun, but it’s less about couples and more about the drinking aspect and the dancing + music. I think I dealt with deployment in some parts very badly and others better.

In the beginning all I could do was drink and sleep really. I had no want to do anything; my friends tried to do things with me but honestly I didn’t want to hear them talk about him or ask how I was doing or make any comments really. It really annoyed me for a while that people who barely talked to him would talk about how much they missed him or how they couldn’t wait to hear from him. There were numerous times when I had gotten into arguments with people over how good of a friend they were to my boy. I know its not a competition but it does hurt when people who don’t mean anything to him hear from him more often then I do.

Oddly I should be so excited that I don’t have to wait another 2+ months to keep my relationship “frozen” as my friends call it. It’s funny after starting to type this I realized how in a weird way my subconscious is already thinking about his homecoming. I’ve dreamed about how it was going to be, and thought about what I could wear and how he would act towards me once I saw him again. I’m not sure that I should be so excited considering I probably won’t get invited to homecoming anyways…. well my rant is over and done with for now…

So this is someone who used to spend time with my boyfriend, who knows his family, who know all of his friends, who knew him before his entrance into the united states marines. I just found this to be so rude, especially when you know that he is overseas. For one, the comments my boyfriend uses are funny because all he does is sit behind a computer desk 12 hours a day 7 days a week. It’s not like hes on the front line doing damage.

So the first part, the resolutions, well I’ve vowed to myself that I would try to quit smoking for when my marine comes home. Hes hated me smoking since he threw his pack down the 3 week we were dating. In the beginning he never minded that I smoked, it really bonded us. Then he became a health nut again and wanted to get big and bulky, I should have seen that that would lead to him going back to Iraq… haha. so

1. Quit smoking
2. Start working out again
3. Learning to depend on me and only me
4. Get a Job
5. Have faith in my relationship

Now for the real information, I had an epiphany over the last few days when I found out that my marine has been talking to another girl more then me. Well I’ve talked to a few marine gfs/fiancées about what happened. Well long story short, I was in panama for the vacation so I wasn’t really able to be contacted other then through text messages. Well on x-mas I got a text from my marine saying Merry x-mas from **** and I was like okay well he probably sent it out to everyone cuz hes working. Well I found out when I got back to the states that he was calling everyone… I mean he called his friends, his family and all I got was a text message.

Well I came back to school and started thinking how to deal with this, first I thought I’ll wait til after the holidays and email him how unhappy I am with how hes conducting himself. Well that didn’t hold up for very long, I even explained to my friends that I wouldn’t be putting up with his bs anymore and that I would leave him if he didn’t change his attitude before he came home. Well I was talking to a marine fiancée who will remain nameless, who said that I should just take the plunge and email him and try to deal with this before the new year gets started. Well I emailed him explainning that I understood that he was busy and that he has other stuff to attend to other then me but that I haven’t spoken to him on the phone in 2 months and that its not okay. Well he texted me and was like well I’m trying to call but I can’t. So we started txting and he sounded like my squirrel and it made me feel a bit more comfortable but he didn’t even answer my question of whether or not he wanted to remain with me.
Well the next night he and I started talking and he was asking me about this marine fiancee who had emailed him saying something about me, well I was like well if ur so bored to talk t me about this then answer what I was saying yesterday, well all he said was that im constantly paranoid and that everything is always fine with him but I always go nuts and find something to worry about. Well I felt better that he said that everything is fine and that things are good. Well I go to talk to a friend about everything and she tells me my marine has been calling her, and over break he called her 3x and that hes been flirting with her. Well for 1 my marine doens’t flirt lol 2 she said stuff that he was saying that were totally unlike him. She also told me that he had a huge crush on her last year. NOW what GIRL would actually tell a girlfriend of the guy? Well one that wants attention.

Well I started thinking about why he isn’t talking to me and I realized that he hasn’t talked to any of the people that he used to spend every day with at school. I couldn’t understand why. Well I started thinking and I realized that the girl who he was calling only talks about herself, she would never ask him how he is or ask anything about whats going on with him. When he talks to me I love asking how hes doing, what hes doing, anything about him and he can’t really answer completely. Well I realized that all it is is talking, theres no meeting, theres no nothing. When he comes home hes all mine and thats its. Hes been mine for the last year, if he wanted to leave me I feel he would have already, not waiting for the end of a deployment to f**k me over.

Well all in all, I’ve realized that sometimes its easier to make plans with people who have their own lives so you know that haven’t stopped them in anything. My marine knows that this year has been all about him, his deployment, his homecoming… It’s been all about when hes home and when hes not. He knows my life revolves around him at this point and it makes it hard for him to not want to come home. The people he’s talking to are people who don’t really care that he got deployed, they know hes coming home, its not like they would have seen him more then once during the time hes been gone. All I can say is that my marine and I have always had communication issues, he gets really distant from me probably because hes scared Ill leave him because of what hes doing. Either way I love him to death and I could be very well finished this deployment completely and totally! Either way even if he doesn’t come home within the new time limits, im counting down in the double digits now! hope all of your marines are doing well and that everyone is having a good new year!!!!